When the Dying Break Through
by IcecubeSummer
Summary: It is Harry's 6th year. He is severly depressed and accidentally performs an Unforgivable on someone... will he go to Azkaban? Rating may go up by later chapters. Please review on content as well as style.


So here's another story… enjoy (and review)!

Disclaimer: Don't own the Harry Potter universe or anything inside it… But I've sent J. K. Rowling a pound in the mail with a message saying I'd like first dibs on Harry Potter and Co… so if she's ever thinking of giving it up I have a really good chance! Sorry cheapskates!

Driving Them Away

His knife was on the night table.

It was 11:56 pm and Harry Potter was sitting on his bed at the Burrow wearing a bitter expression. It was his birthday tomorrow and he was going to be sixteen. But his godfather, Sirius, wasn't going to be sending him a birthday card. He had died a few months ago at the Ministry.

In front of the others he seemed like he had gotten over the death. But that was just the brave face he put on to stop them from worrying. He couldn't have their _hero_ be weak.

If he hadn't been so stupid, Sirius would still be alive today. If he hadn't fallen for the trap, Sirius would be there tomorrow to wish him a happy sixteenth birthday. It was entirely his fault that his godfather was dead.

The hurt was settling in his chest and throat. He gulped, wanting to scream but feeling it trapped behind his ribs, as if in a cage. If he had tried to scream he would have only managed a grunt.

He walked over to the knife and slowly picked it up. His grip on it tightened when he thought of how everyone would react if they knew. After rolling up his sleeve, he examined the various pink and white scars marring his forearm.

He looked at the clock, which now read 12:01 am.

Lifting the blade until it was touching his skin, his expression hardened even more. Through clenched teeth he whispered, "There is… no… such… thing… as… _pain_!"

On the final word, he swiped the ridged edge across his arm and watched the first droplets of blood appear.

"Happy birthday, Harry," He said to himself.

----------

They were sitting on the train to Hogwarts in their own compartment. Since it was pouring rain outside, the train was going much slower than usual and Ginny and Hermione had gone off to inquire about the estimated arrival time, leaving Ron and Harry alone. Harry was staring out the window, and Ron was staring at Harry.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Ron's voice was full of concern. He knew something was wrong with his best friend, and he knew he was trying to hide it.

"Yes, I'm fine, thanks." Harry flashed him a trying smile, not quite hiding the misery emanating from his eyes.

Ron inwardly scoffed. _If you were so bloody fine then you wouldn't act like this! What's it going to take to make you realize that we're your fucking friends! Just let us help you, damn it! _

"Harry, seriously, I know there's something bothering you. Please, just…"

"Drop it, alright?" Harry snapped. "Everything is bloody peachy, so leave me alone!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, relax!" said an alarmed Ron. He knew when he had gone too far. _I just don't understand why he won't open up to me. I'm supposed to be his best friend! Hell, I would DIE for him! Why doesn't he realize that?_

Hermione and Ginny walked in, talking animatedly.

"…And yes, I see your point, but the goblins could have stopped the…" Ginny paused. "Whoa! What happened in here? The air is so thick I feel like I'm in the middle of muggle London!"

Ron gave them a meaningful look, and jerked his head toward Harry, who was staring determinedly out the window once more, his hands griping the edge of the seat so hard that the knuckles were white.

"Harry, what's…?" Hermione started, but Ron cut her off with a fierce shake of the head. She raised her eyebrows and gave him a look that said she'd be interrogating him later.

She and Ginny sat down across from each other, Hermione next to Harry, and started talking about the Woodborough goblin strike once more. Ron took out a quidditch book on the Chudley Cannons and opened to a page somewhere near the end.

----------

Harry was absentmindedly staring out through the window of the compartment, barely taking in anything he was seeing. This depression was conquering his life. He couldn't concentrate on anything and the only thing he put effort into was the permanent task of hiding his feelings from everyone. No matter how much he actually wanted them to be aware of it, he knew that it wouldn't be possible to tell them of the misery he was going through. He needed them to find out.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Ron was talking to him. Harry noticed that they were the only two in the compartment. Hadn't Hermione and Ginny been there just a moment before?

_No! I'm not! Help me! Help me, Ron, please! Please… _"Yes, I'm fine, thanks." Harry tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Harry, seriously, I know there's something bothering you. Please, just…"

"Drop it, alright?" Harry cut in.

_No, I really don't want you to! Please, figure it out already! I need someone to relieve me of this burden. Help me, you're my best friend! I need someone to talk to. I need you to ask me some more questions; don't give up, maybe I'll break soon! Don't let me drive you away!_

"Everything is bloody peachy, so leave me alone!" Harry couldn't help himself. He just didn't have the guts to tell anyone what he was going through… even Ron.

"Okay, I'm sorry, relax!" said Ron hurriedly, looking away.

_I can't believe I did that! What the fuck is wrong with me! I'm sorry Ron, I'm just so fucking messed up._ Harry took to staring out the window again.

He barely noticed when Hermione and Ginny came back to the compartment, and he didn't acknowledge their presence. He heard a bit of momentary conversation with his name mentioned but tried not to listen, just wanting to fall into a permanent sleep, never to wake again.

The girls sat down and Harry fell into a surreal world in which Sirius was in a clearing on the other side of the window, and all Harry could do was watch as his godfather fell through a curtain of death.

_No, Sirius… don't leave me…not again! _Harry pushed at the window in desperation, and it melted away. _I'm coming Sirius!_ He stuck his head out the window and yelled "accio firebolt!" His broomstick came soaring to him from beyond the clouds. _Funny, why was my broom in the skies, it's supposed to be at Hogwarts or in my trunk or something… ah well, I mustn't worry about that now... I have to get Sirius._

He straddled the broom and took off, distancing himself from the Hogwarts Express, but getting closer and closer to where Sirius had fallen past the curtain. _I can feel his life draining away… if I just hurry I can save him! _He urged his firebolt to move faster and eventually reached the spot where he'd seen his godfather fall… but there was no curtain. Not even any indication that there had ever been anything there at all. _I just KNOW he was here… he has to be here!_

Harry heard a twig snap behind him, and whirled around. No one was there. "Don't play mind games with me!" he shouted. Harry didn't know who he was talking to, but he knew there was someone there, and he knew that it wasn't Sirius.

"Why, Potter," said an amused female voice. "I expected better manners of you!"

Harry looked for the source of the words and found a cloaked figure emerging from the shadows of the wilderness on his left. For a moment he didn't recognize the person. Then it hit him.

"Lestrange!" Harry spat. "Where's Sirius?"

Bellatrix Lestrange just laughed a high pitched laugh and twirled her wand between her fingers.

_Oh no… she must have fucking hid the curtain! Now I'm never going to get him back!_

"Where's the curtain?" Harry said calmly, not wanting to betray his emotions.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about that any more," the happiness dripping from every word was pure evil. "He's dead."

Harry's insides were squirming as if they were about to shoot from him at any moment.

"What?" he said in a small voice.

"That's right, you heard me. He's dead… and I killed him! She added gleefully. "I just set the curtain on fire, and your sweet Godfather, being inside, burned as well." She made a mocking, sad face.

Harry finally noticed the charred markings on the ground, and suddenly his heart started beating very rapidly. _She killed Sirius… she KILLED Sirius…SHE KILLED SIRIUS!_

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL_ YOU_!" He bellowed at her, completely losing control of himself.

He lunged at her, forgetting for a moment about his wand, but was thrown back against a paneled wall by a silent hex. _A wall? In the middle of nowhere?_

Lifting his wand, he tried to stun her, but she blocked it.

"Come on, Potter! You can do better than _that_." She laughed.

Seething, Harry brandished his wand. "Alright, I will, you bitch." He said softly.

"If widoo, baby Potter doesn't want to fighty wighty, he can just wun away!" She cooed.

Bracing himself, Harry roared. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Caught off guard, Bellatrix only just managed to escape the curse. "Well, I see that baby Potter is ready to fight." She threw a curse at him, but he managed to block it.

Harry dodged another curse and yelled, "CRUCIO!" Waving his wand in her direction, he was surprised, and delighted, to hear her scream. He walked over to her and held his wand steadily pointed at her, watching her writhe on the ground, screeching in agony.

As he stood over her, he noticed something was off about those shrieks. _Those screams don't sound like a woman. Those are a _man's_ screams! What the hell is going…?_

"_Harry! Stop it! What are you THINKING?"_ said a panicky, far-away voice.

He was shoved against another paneled wall and the screams stopped. The wilderness dissolved and he was in the train corridor surrounded by a crowd of people with horrified looks on their faces. Draco Malfoy was lying on the floor in front of him, wincing and panting as if he had just run a few miles… _or just been screaming._ _Oh no! What did I do?_

He started to get shakily up, but someone immediately bound him with ropes from their wand, and he fell to the floor.

"W-what's going on? He said groggily, trying to look around him, but the ropes were so tight they didn't allow any movement.

He heard the cracking sounds of people apparating and heard footsteps approach him.

The students around him were all whispering loudly. He caught a few snippets of what they were saying.

"…and flung curses everywhere, yeah, and the killing curse…"

Harry started feeling nauseous.

"…smiled when Draco started screaming…"

He really felt like he was going to throw up.

"…and then Hermione pushed him against the wall…"

_Why didn't you bloody stop me sooner! _He moaned with his face pressed into the floor.

"Excuse me, excuse me, ministry coming through!" Harry heard the footsteps stop right beside him. He felt a foot turn him over until he was looking into the pale eyes of a young, olive-skinned man with pure white hair. Harry could see an array of ministry officials behind him and thought he glimpsed Kingsley.

"Harry Potter?" said the man who had turned him over.

"Yeah?" he managed to choke out.

"I am Auror Tinnley," he stated. "You are under arrest for the use of an Unforgivable on a human being."

Harry gagged and vomited over the man's nice boots.

A/N:

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Seriously, if I don't get enough reviews I just won't continue the story… c'mon, review, you know you want to! (On style of writing as well as content and the pace of the story) Also, if any of you had trouble with the switching of POVs, please let me know.

Dusty


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